When the physician tells you that they recommend an egg donor for your next attempt at pregnancy, you probably have about a billion thoughts that race through your head. Some people jump right in and call to schedule the appointment to view the donor profiles the same day, and others need more time to process this information.
If you are struggling with the idea of using an egg donor, one of the requirements of being an egg donor recipient is to schedule an appointment with Dr. Mary Speno, a licensed clinical psychologist. She can be a great resource to anyone who needs to clear their mind and process their thoughts about how they would like to proceed. Since it’s a requirement that needs to be fulfilled anyway, you might want to take advantage and utilize her at this point.
Once you are ready to schedule your appointment to view the donor profiles, here are five suggestions I have for you to do before you come in:
Write things down! Any question that crosses your mind, whether you think it’s crazy or not, is valid and should be asked. If I don’t have the answer, I can point you in the right direction of who would, or I can find out for you and get back to you at a later time. I would prefer that we get all of your concerns out in the open at our appointment, rather than you having regret later because you were too shy to ask something. Even if you have questions in your mind the morning of your appointment, don’t risk the chance that your mind will go blank once you walk in the office, write them all down.
Find out what your insurance covers in regards to a donor and recipient cycle. More often than not, the egg donor recipients I meet with are unsure about their insurance and are then shocked when they find out what their coverage is. A simple phone call to your insurance carrier will clear up any confusion or questions you might have. I would like for you to know what is going to be expected of you financially for the potential egg donor cycle before we start.
Think about what it is that you want in an egg donor. Is it ethnicity, education, similar physical features of your family members, or is it just that you want to feel a spark or connection with one while reviewing the profiles? Knowing what you’re looking for would make it easier for you while going through the profiles and narrowing down your selections.
Review the information in the recipient packet you were given by the doctor. If you didn’t receive one, please contact me and I can send you one right away. It explains a donor recipient cycle step by step and includes some basic pricing. It also includes a copy of the contract you would be signing so please review that as well. A lot of the questions that come up in book viewing appointments are actually covered in the contract in regards to anonymity, incomplete cycles, and liabilities.
Finally, and most importantly, relax. This is a process that starts at your own pace. You choose when you want to view the profiles, when you have found the right one, when you will sign the contract, and when you are ready to start. The only time-related pressure that you might feel is from yourself. I will follow your pace and give you the freedom to take the time you need.
I am always available by phone or email to answer any questions you have along the way and am always willing to help in any way I can.
Vicki Meagher has worked with InVia Fertility Specialists since 2006. She is our Third Party Coordinator, so she works with our patients that need an egg donor, sperm donor, gestational surrogate, or any combination of the above. She recruits and screens the egg donors for our in-house donor program as well. She loves working with intended parents and is passionate about third party reproduction and the important role it plays in helping patients achieve their dream of starting or extending their family. She is a member of SEEDS - the Society for Ethics for Egg Donation and Surrogacy.